Here in Central Virginia the change from winter to spring has been slow. I like it. The past two months have been more than a little challenging. I feel like I have been tested on all fronts. I have received some touching emails from students asking when I would return to teaching. Some very tantalizing teaching offers have also come my way. My patience is being tested and my endurance to sit with all that is uncomfortable and unknown is at an all time high, no yoga asana has ever tested me in these ways.
I sit and wait, study and practice. Did I mention wait, and wait. Maybe all the years on the shala bench are proving to be the real teacher?
Change is my personal theme for the month of April. I have some plans in the works to implement changes on all fronts body, mind, and spirit. I’ll be sharing all month with this blog. See you around!!!
Last week a yoga colleague of mine asked how my “new” life was coming along. Since returning from Philadelphia nearly two months ago I have been steadily working at putting together a life in Farmville. I started graduate classes and was accepted into graduate school. I have been reaching out, making new friends and contacts. I have been searching for jobs, applying for those jobs, writing cover letters, going to grant writing workshops, interviewing, searching for graduate assistant-ships, and all the while maintaining my self practice practice.
Has it been hard? Yes.
Truthfully, I tried to quit. I have known others who have worked just as hard, been totally dedicated, traveled to Mysore and just quit, cold tofu, quit. I like going to Zumba class and here in Central Virginia there is a large and dedicated community of Zumbis. Yesterday, after sweating and smiling through Zumba, I came home and found myself in my small yoga room at the top of my mat. Seriously, I just found myself there. My brain was saying, “you already exercised for the day; this is unnecessary.” My brain was saying this even as I inhaled and lifted my arms overhead and gazed thumb and after 5 sun salutations my brain stopped saying things.
The practice is a solo journey. Being in Mysore is a piece of cake. Practicing alone in the middle of nowhere is the work. I am lucky to have had so much alone at the top of my mat practice, otherwise I am sure I would have quit. This hiatus from teaching is sure to make me a stronger student and in the future a wiser teacher.
Thank you alone-ness for allowing the practice to present itself in a very quiet way. As much as I love the rocking beats in Zumba, I still need the time to check in, all the way in, so I can best navigate the way out.
I have been reading this book called, Tiny Beautiful Things. I can’t recommend it enough. I have been (attempting) reading yoga related blogs/musings/facebook posts less, and less. I can’t recommend this enough. After reading one particularly aggrandizing/indulging, yoga asana’s are so hard….and aren’t I so amazing for climbing to this level of hardness?…I turned off the computer and let Tiny Beautiful Things smack me back to my senses.
“Coal mining is harder. Do you think miners stand around all day talking about how hard it is to mine for coal? They do not. They simply dig.”
I’ll be returning to this blog very soon, but for now I am practicing like a coal miner…talking less and digging more.