Last week a yoga colleague of mine asked how my “new” life was coming along. Since returning from Philadelphia nearly two months ago I have been steadily working at putting together a life in Farmville. I started graduate classes and was accepted into graduate school. I have been reaching out, making new friends and contacts. I have been searching for jobs, applying for those jobs, writing cover letters, going to grant writing workshops, interviewing, searching for graduate assistant-ships, and all the while maintaining my self practice practice.
Has it been hard? Yes.
Truthfully, I tried to quit. I have known others who have worked just as hard, been totally dedicated, traveled to Mysore and just quit, cold tofu, quit. I like going to Zumba class and here in Central Virginia there is a large and dedicated community of Zumbis. Yesterday, after sweating and smiling through Zumba, I came home and found myself in my small yoga room at the top of my mat. Seriously, I just found myself there. My brain was saying, “you already exercised for the day; this is unnecessary.” My brain was saying this even as I inhaled and lifted my arms overhead and gazed thumb and after 5 sun salutations my brain stopped saying things.
The practice is a solo journey. Being in Mysore is a piece of cake. Practicing alone in the middle of nowhere is the work. I am lucky to have had so much alone at the top of my mat practice, otherwise I am sure I would have quit. This hiatus from teaching is sure to make me a stronger student and in the future a wiser teacher.
Thank you alone-ness for allowing the practice to present itself in a very quiet way. As much as I love the rocking beats in Zumba, I still need the time to check in, all the way in, so I can best navigate the way out.