There is Tapas and Then There is a Meltdown

For y’all out there that might be getting the idea that I sit on a lotus in the country with both legs wrapped around my head all while sipping on green juice, yesterday I had a true meltdown…..I ate cooked food, drank red wine, and called/text-ed/ harassed pretty much everyone I know.  On day 12th with no husband in a town where I have the phone number of 4! people (two of which I got this week) I freaked out, melted down, kernel panicked…whatever you would call it.

I couldn’t be raw with myself anymore.  They say that a true yogi is never bored.  Every moment is used as a blissful chance to go deeper into the self…folding self into self until one merges into pure Prakṛti.  This why I tend to call myself a yoga student, or a yogi in training, or an aspiring yogi rather than “oh me, I am a yogi.”

My reason for sharing?  I went to this blog today and I saw what I what I am quick to criticize others for, I saw the raw but not the real.  Why is the Bhagavad-Gita such an inspiring epic poem?  Maybe because it is two people talking to each other discussing the nature of humanity….human-ness.

Lesson learned:  There is a difference between eating raw food and really getting raw with yourself.

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2 Responses to There is Tapas and Then There is a Meltdown

  1. Lu says:

    Wow, great post, Jill. I, as I’m sure many others, envy at times your even-keeled, “relaxed” setting. I wish I had the opportunity to focus on my practice in a picturesque country-side setting without non-stop phone calls, emails, and daily “life” getting in the way. Thank you for sharing.

    • Lu,

      Since moving to Farmville I have no less than 20 times tried to quit teaching yoga and get a job at the University, a studio apartment in Philadelphia, anything that would put my back on a normal schedule….with the support of my husband I have continued to stick with what I love doing even if it is the harder option.
      Jill

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